The Sand

"scooping up sand with your hands"

is the picture i always associate with letting go..no matter how much sand you
want to have and have touched your palms, there will always be some that will
fall down and no matter what you do to keep them, all the efforts are naught..
the more you want to have, the less you're gonna get -

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having you in my life has always been a
pleasure and pain...you lit my dimming life,yet at times you let the flame burn
me...you showed me how to value a treasure, yet in the process you never told
me how to deal with it when the treasure is gone...you taught me how to look at
the brighter side of things, yet you forgot to tell that there is a darker
side, also...and above all, you taught me how to love, yet you never taught me
how to rein my hate...

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with all the things that i learned and
un-learned from you, i don't regret any of them...in fact, i'm thankful for
them...and i'm thankful for you...you are the most colorful and the richest
chapter in my life (so far)...writing it with you is something i wouldn't trade
with anything...

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so now, the time has come for me to finally
let you go...after all, that's what you want, right?...i am sorry for it took
me some time before i can finally say "this is it"...and there's no
more turning back...i have made my choice to end "our chapter"
in the "book" i'm writing everyday...it's not an easy decision,
though, because at the back of my mind, i'm always entertaining the thought
that one day, you would show up in front my door, waiting for my hug...but,
although it pains me to even think about it, i have to write another
chapter, without you in it...i just hope and pray that the pain will
push me through it, not pull me back...as i've told you, you forgot to tell me
how to deal with the loss of a treasure-you...and though, you showed me how to
look at the brighter side of things, i have no idea how to get there when i'm
pulled back by the darker side...

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i'm just thankful that the sand exist...at
least, the phenomenon of scooping up sand sustains the ink in my pen,
and i am able to continue writing the next chapter in my life....i just don't
know when i will be finished with it, and if i can finish it...but i'm hopeful that
in time, this chapter will bloom in the end...like the sand in my palms, i
can't hold onto you forever...i have to let go of you, so that there will be
space for another set of sand, hopefully finer, whiter, better sand...

********************************************

- just have to let go of the others and
treasure what's left, until the time comes that you've got to let go of what's
left to give room for newer sand - if and when that time comes.....

(4-4-10)