052511

you're on a tight budget just enough for the week. you decided to prepare for work earlier than usual for you to take a jeepney without the possibility of being late - because another late means a punitive action from your boss. then on the second day of the week, of all the possible lucky days you'll ever gonna get, this is not one of them. you've been waiting for a jeepney for about an hour already. you're now wary of your time, and you've opted to take a taxi instead. just when a taxi comes into view, a jeepney shows up.

if you'll take the jeepney, there is a possibility of being late but not probable - but you can get through the week.

if you'll take the taxi, you'll have a little more than enough time to get to work - but you'll have to go out of your usual daily routine to make ends meet.

which would you take?

                                                                       or

at times, this situation mirrors life in a certain way. it's about making choices. would you go for your comfort or get out of it? would you take the short-term or the long-term? would you stand pat or take a risk? would you seize the moment or think about the future?

no matter what you choose, just be responsible for it. the choice that you make determines the road you're gonna take.

042011

here are some very nice lines from the movie, Inception. "you're waiting for a train," .... it signifies one's acceptance that life is a matter of waiting.

"a train that will take you, but you don't know for sure" .... it's a waiting that is coupled with uncertainty. uncertain of what's gonna happen; uncertain of what life brings; uncertain of life itself - and yet it's worth taking.

"But it doesn't matter." ..... the worth is the threshold of faith - a faith that governs the motivation to go on, despite all the uncertainties; despite all the the unknowns.  it's the beauty and curse of risk. it's a risk that exemplifies what "being alive" is all about - a plethora of adventure. and for me, that's what life is.

032211

.....what.....constitute.....reality.....?

last night, while having my hour-long break, the movie The Matrix popped into my mind out nowhere...i don't know why, but i'd rather not think of the reason for now...

the first thing that i thought was the question, what is reality?.....so, with google at my disposal i checked the relationship of the movie to philosophy... and i wasn't disappointed...

while reading some articles about it, another movie title blurted in : Inception...... thus, i tried to write something linking these two great movies to the question at hand...

but then, writng isn't an easy task... i had a lot of ideas but i wasn't able to write them all down...so this piece is still a work in progress...i hope i can finish it soon...maybe...

or maybe, i was just having an illusion...an illusion that was purported by my playful mind...playful in the sense of making tricks....sometimes, i see things, sometimes, i dont...sometimes, i think of things, sometimes i don't...sometimes, i feel things, sometimes i don't...

perhaps, this is what constittute reality - an alternating world of do's and dont's, being and non-being, existing and non-existing - a world which is created by the mind, and in turn interpreted by the mind itself - a vicious cycle of sort....nonsense? maybe...with sense? maybe...

031611

....my mind is blank....

for almost a month now, i've been working on a split-shift basis - i.e. 3 hours in the morning starting from 5:00 AM 'til 8:00; then 6 hours in the evening starting at 5:00 PM up to 11:00.

....hmm, the number 5. i haven't thought of it before as i'm thinking about it right now. i wonder what the significance of this number in history could be. i think there's not much. so, why am i thinking about it now? perhaps it's the start of my work. or maybe, the best thing i could remember of my childhood was when i was 5. and then again it could alse be because my last relationship lasted for 5 years...i don't know...i'm not sure...

i wanna think that my mind is playing tricks on me again. but i don't wanna dwell on it. i'm just tired maybe. after all, my circadian rhythm has been disrupted. i'm having a hard time getting enough sleep. with my work schedule at hand, i'd say the most hours of sleep i get is 3-4 hours a day on weekdays. i just hope that this phenomenon won't take its toll on me in the future..amf..i'm blabbing again...

oh, did i mention my mind is blank?...there you go...the mind..the tricks..the play...

awoz

Awe-inspiring beauty
     A refreshing view
     An eye soother

Well of optimism
     A fountain of brightness
     A source of inspiration

Outspoken wit
     An aphorism of life
     A prelude to happiness

Zestful spirit
     Uncannily contagious
     Easily admirable.

THE TUMBLER

THEN:
It was my “special” day. I can’t remember what it was. You gave me a tumbler. It was a blue and black one. The body was sky blue with black linings. The lid was black. I liked it not because it had a NIKE logo on it, but because it was simple; and especially, it came from you. I just loved the combination of blue and black colors on it. I don’t know why but it was refreshing. I used it everyday in my workplace. But most of all, it reminded me of you, always…

NOW…
I still have the tumbler. It is still in my workplace. But I don’t use it anymore. It is just there on the corner of my desk. It just stands there gathering dust. I haven’t even cleaned it for months, now. I only touch it whenever I have to clean my desk. If only it can think and speak, I’m pretty sure it’s already cussing at and cursing me. But what can I do. Using it would only kill me softly. Just a simple brush of my fingers on it brings back a lot of memories in a flash. How much more if my lips touch its brim – over and over again. Probably, I would have a memory overload – sweet and bitter. Though looking at it is already more than enough to hurt me, I just let it stay there. I let it because I need it. I need it because:

The tumbler is a silent reminder of what were; and a powerful motivator to face what are….

The Day Juan arrived

october 18, 2010....

i thought it would just be an ordinary monday...the start of the week for many...the first monday of vacation for some...for me, a day to submit some required papers..since i had finished the requirement last night, i enjoyed cuddling my pillow under my not-so-warm comforter...after all, i am staying in baguio city...

9:14 am....

i was woken up by a message on my phone...what a way to start a day...i had some exchanges with one friend who is an unproclaimed psychologist..^^...unmindful of the impending wrath outside, i enjoyed the exchanges...'till noon...it was then that i realized that JUAN has already arrived...and he was already wreaking havoc...what a good timing for JUAN...

2:20  pm

having second thoughts, i went out of my place to go to school...JUAN was so good for welcoming me outside with showers and cool breeze...being ignorant of what has been decided and being excited to pass the papers, i cruised through the eye of JUAN...only to be appalled...OFFICES ARE CLOSE...with the adrenaline still flowing through my veins and with the gift of JUAN (no electricity) firing me up, i found myself in a cab going to SM...wow...the mall was like a haven for mourners...there was more cheers in a graveyard...(just kidding)...

2:53 pm

undecided on where to spend the time (whether in gecko's or in SM), i tried to find a place to buy my high-powered vitamin C...and yes, i found it...what a relief...but only for a second..there was no  cashier..(what the - - - -)...i roamed (thinking and waiting for the cashier...maybe she just visited john)...30 minutes had passed...she was still nowhere in sight...what a day..really...i sat down...in the food-court area...i opened my lappy...good thing i had charged the battery last night...i waited...i read...LAKERS BEATEN BY JAZZ...this was really my day..thank you JUAN...you have now become a part of my life...more power to you...

3:30 pm

i tried to go to gecko's...but JUAN wouldn't let me...you're really my friend JUAN...i re-entered SM...maybe JUAN just tried to tell me, i could now buy my vitamins...and there she was...the lovely cashier...i smiled...i bought my vitamins...and i just found myself sitting outside THE OLD SPAGHETTI HOUSE enjoying a plate of carbonara trying to spend my time with JUAN..after all, HE wouldn't stay long...so i had just to spend the time that he is here...so long JUAN...i won't forget you....